


Shrewd is the Right Word

by mrgay



Category: Columbo
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, gay columbo, mild historical internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25632580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrgay/pseuds/mrgay
Summary: tiny tiny gay columbo fan fiction. i make the rules around here
Relationships: Lieutenant Columbo (Columbo)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Shrewd is the Right Word

**Author's Note:**

> i need more gay columbo fan fiction before i pass away. if you're reading this please write some gay columbo fan fiction.

Shrewd is the right word for the man I’ve invited into my house. I’m completely comfortable, save for the fact that I’m sure the inspector has me completely figured out; thank goodness I’m not a murderer.

Columbo is fiddling with the lighter I just offered him, flicking the wheel once, twice, before it finally sparks and a small flame is squeezed out the eyelet. The stump of a cigar is between his lips and he leans forward to light its end evenly. I watch him as he takes a few gentle puffs, white smoke starts to billow from his mouth; concentrating on his cigar his eyes are cast downward, eyelashes…

“Feeling better, Lieutenant?” I ask, I’m trying to get him to chat me up again now that I’m not a suspect anymore. There’s a magnetism to him I can’t quite figure out.

Columbo purses his lips around his cigar and lifts one hand up in acknowledgement, “Oh yes sir, just fine. I get a little faint feeling at the sight of blood–actually,” he interrupts himself, “I can’t stand the sight of it, somethin’ about…” he trails off, running one hand absentmindedly through his thick, wiry brown hair. He looks up at me suddenly from under his brow, “You’re a nice fella, Mr. Kowalski.”

I’m starting to understand this game we’ve been playing. At first I was a little worried he had me pegged as my manager’s murderer, but the more interactions I had with the older, rumpled detective… Well, when you have a lifestyle like mine, you tend to speak in code, just to be safe. I’ve almost forgotten I have a lit cigarette in my mouth, I try and take an offhanded drag in the most attractive way possible.

I smile at him, it’s my turn to leave a little trail of breadcrumbs, “You’re a very kind man yourself, Lieutenant. Mrs. Columbo is a very lucky woman.”

“Well…” there’s a hint of bashfulness in his voice as he pauses, perhaps thinking about whether to continue his charade for his own enjoyment or whether to cut to the chase. It’s irresistible.

“... She’s always there for me when I need her. You’re a bachelor?”

He asks me this but I know he already knows the answer is yes.

He removes his cigar from his mouth with his left hand–I’d noticed earlier when he ran his hand through his hair that he must be right handed–there is no wedding ring on his left hand. He sees me staring, and smiles knowingly. He’s a little older than me, greying a little at the temples; I find him very handsome. There is a genuineness to him that I haven’t seen from other men around our age. It makes the fire in my belly threaten to burn out of control.

“Your family’s Italian?”

“Father immigrated from the south, yeah, very Catholic. Roman Catholic.”

“My mother and father immigrated from Poland during the war when they had me, they were very Catholic as well,” I’ve still got my eyes fixed on his left hand where the ring should be. Columbo isn’t making eye contact with me anymore, but I know he sees me staring.

“Musta forgot it at home…” 

Columbo snuffs his cigar out in the ashtray on the coffee table, and then leans forward towards me. Gently, he takes the cigarette out of my mouth, bringing it up to his own, inhaling a deep drag, and then also disposing of it in the ashtray. 

Before he has time to fully exhale I grab him by the lapel of his shabby raincoat and kiss him on the mouth. At first I think I’ve caught him off guard, but the way he kisses me back tells me I’ve played right into his hands.


End file.
